Amy 金子怡 190110420
"My name is Araopak, an ordinary MOS star person who turned 464 years old this year. It has been more than 10 years since I had come back from Earth. My name was given to me by my father, and on our planet, Araopak is a blessing word. Arao means never and pak means alone; because in our planet’s cognition, the greatest happiness is when people are together. This is the consensus of the entire planet, and it is the value that every MOS star cannot shake. No matter what, staying in the crowd, we are happy.
I completed the higher education of the MOS star when I was four hundred years old, and that year, I learned in the classroom of Professor Anser that on the far side of the universe, there is a planet named Earth that is 20 times faster than my MOS star. And at that time, the "Earth Internship" program has been underway for a long time.
MOS stars can separate spirits, just like what the earth people call "soul out of mind"; we put the separated spirits in a fake earth body for seven or eighty years to experience the life of people on earth, especially in terms of emotions; this is "Earth Internship". Although MOS star has developed technology, we is not very good at dealing with emotional issues.
When I was 400 years old, I finally passed the difficult ‘Earth Internship’ test and was born on Earth successfully. My Earth parents are allocated randomly by my star. My fraternal twin sister and parents were ordinary earth people. On Earth, my name is Ailfle Hepburn, and my sister is Alisa Hepburn.
From my childhood impressions, our parents' love for us was always full of tender and eccentric colors. They had hugged me and my sister in a stylized way after entering the door for many years, and then asked the question that had never changed: "Is our little scientist and little musician studying well today?" Yes, this was the ultimate goal that they had set for us. They were convinced that they would have a scientist son and a musician daughter. Every time at this moment, I chose to be perfunctory and tried my best to escape of my parents' arms, because the smell of the chemical agents that they brought back from the laboratory always made me feel particularly sick.
Compared to my parents, I preferred my sister. Unlike me, she was a cute little girl. She started learning the violin before she was four years old, but she loved everything except the violin.
"Ailfle, do you know?" She often aroused my curiosity in this way. "There is a dinosaur with a triangle-shaped thing on its back. It runs as fast as wind." When she said this, her left hand holding the violin, her right hand moving up and down along the strings, as if she was holding a free-running little dinosaur in her hand. She laughed happily with the red dress and her two little braids swayed in the sun.
If my childhood on earth was a dull black cloud, my sister was definitely a golden sun shining through the gap of this black cloud.
It was not until the age of 26 that I returned to MOS for the first time. At that time, I had adapted to the earth and successfully graduated from a well-known polytechnic. In sharp contrast to the scientific achievements that others can't match, as a standard MOS star, in the face of various emotions, I was 26 years old, but I still behaved like a child. There were many things on the earth that I didn’t understand and had never felt before. For example, why would I be happy when I thought of the girl in the Chinese department? Why did I hope to see my parents and my sister when sick? But at the age of 26, I knew one thing definitely-I didn't like my major. I didn’t like the icy experimental equipment that I need to face every day, whether as Ailfle on earth or Araopak of the MOS star. I learned the confusion that had never been felt by a MOS star person. My Earth parents desperately wanted me to get a Ph.D., and they always sent blessings that I could not bear on my birthday and various festivals. "Our baby, Mom and Dad hope you will move forward all the way! Do not forget to live up to the expectations of Mom and Dad and be a great scientist!" At the same time, my sister had already become an elegant, skillful violin player under their arrangement. The only thing hadn't been changed was that my young sister still didn't like the violin that brought her many achievements.
I decided to go back to my home star and find a direction for my future. So, I started the "sick leave" program on a hot summer day. When returning to the MOS star, the crowd surrounded me, including Professor Anser and my MOS star parents. I told them my thoughts, but they did not have a good answer to my question. Indeed, MOS star people are not very good at handling such things.
"Hey, Ailfle, did you forget your name?" Father said, "No matter what, being with people will make you happy."
With my father's words, I went back to Earth and woke up hurriedly. Because of my mental separation, I had been sleeping on the Earth for a long time. As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw the pale walls of the hospital and the pale faces of my parents. The sleepless sleep pattern was indeed worrying. Alisa was also nearby, tears making her eyes swollen, and I suddenly found that those eyes had lost the bright light of childhood, but I couldn’t recall when it had been lost. On the bed next to mine, there was a violin carrying countless pains and glory, which reminded me again of my deserted laboratory and my father on the MOS star.
"Dad, Mom," I opened my mouth hard, and the weak earth's body made all movements extremely laborious, "I think..."
"Baby, what do you want to do?" My mother asked me softly, but it sounded so strange.
I expressed to them in the hospital bed that I wanted to change careers. Although they were very reluctant, the experience of almost losing their baby son forced them to agree quickly.
"My baby, as long as you are alive, your father and mother will support you," my mother said with tears, and my father went out the in-patient ward after my mother’s words.
Maybe they could never understand why I chose to be a comedian.
Thirteen years had passed since the decision was made. I had been out of orbit for 13 years in my earth parents’ eyes. They regarded me as a comet that had flown out of orbit and could never return to it. In their view, my choice, being a comedian who completely ignored his own image, was self-destruction. Even if I had become the most famous comedian in this country, a comedian with the stage name Kamon.
For me, the only thing I needed to do for 13 years was to stay in the crowd, which must bring me happiness, according to my first father.
I didn't do much film or television because I wanted to spent more time on something interacting with people, like face to face comedy talk shows.
As one of the MOS star people, who are not good at dealing with emotions, I had learned many skills to make jokes on earth, and those clever jokes that embody human emotional intelligence for me were just formulas.
That's right, I, Kamon, a comedian who got a lot of applause for perfect technique, came into the public view.
I always made people happy; just like most of the children on earth, I was happy to stay in the crowd and proud to make people happy.
I enjoyed being surrounded by people, even if I was still confused why when people’s mouth shaped up, my mouth wanted to go up too. I just knew it was not bad, better than the past at least. And I thought, despite MOS star people not being good at emotion, there was one point that was always true—It was happy to be in a crowd.
One of the funny things was that because I often played funny aliens, people often called me "Alien Carmon," which was such a funny thing; they probably never knew that Carmon was really an alien.
Meanwhile, of course, I had made a few friends.
Richard was one of my friends; we met at a theater summit.
The first time I saw him, the conference organizers were apologizing deeply.
The reason was that Richard had changed his pass card with a staff member lower than him a lot in level, so he got the same level of reception as that member of the staff, putting on a black humor drama.
I don't know exactly how Richard planned it all, but in later chats I knew he was extremely happy from the success of the plan. Compared with him, I was more like a real earthman.
On the one hand, the opinions of people in his circle were so great that even I could feel them. On the other hand, his works always aroused a bigger response.
In contrast to my comedy career, Richard was a tragedy director.
It was rare for a director to shoot tragedy all the time, but Richard did.
Each of his works was sadder than the last.
I couldn't understand why he wanted to film so many tragedies, so I asked him why he did it.
"Ha ha, maybe because of Love."
Richard gave an unusually loud laugh.
"That's what you said to the reporter," I said. "What did you say to yourself?"
Richard blinked when he heard my question. He stopped laughing, looked from me to the sky, and I felt a different look flash from behind his black-framed glasses.
"I'm learning how to face something."
Richard said this seriously.
But I didn’t know what Richard need to face.
"Have you learnt it?" I asked.
"Not yet, but I’m trying."
Richard smiled, again.
However, I had to admit that Richard was a sunny person in life, unlike those who rely on me to find happiness, Richard was happy naturally.
Richard always said I was a funny little fool. It made me feel unconvinced. But Richard always laughed right away and said, ' a Fool is good, being a fool is good; you'll be unhappy when you're not a fool.
Maybe Richard had really gotten it right.
I was beginning to feel unhappy.
I still remember that it was at the party to celebrate the opening of a company when the actual investor of the company, Lioe, had invited many well-known people in society.
And of course, I, as a partner in the company, would be there.
Like all wine parties, people toasted in the splendid room.
Lioe led me to those people again and again like he was showing off some treasure.
"Know him? Funny alien Kamon; in fact, I am from his planet!"
That introduction of his was so strange, as if he deliberately chose a seemingly humorous way to match my identity as a comedian.
However, people showed me a lot of smiles, which led me to assume that they were very friendly towards me.
Richard also came but he said he couldn’t stay long, and he would leave the country for a long time to produce a new film after he left.
When I saw Lioe again in the room, he was already a little drunk. He stumbled onto the small stage, gave a few loud taps into the microphone, and announced that I was going to perform.
I saw a lot of people clapping and cheering, but I didn't know what to do.
Obviously, this was Lioe’s spontaneous idea. No one had told me to do this, and I didn't want to.
I was rushed onto the stage, not knowing what to say. Perhaps too close, in my embarrassment, I had a hard time telling the faces off the stage, and the faces that had been so friendly just a moment before seemed less friendly. I could only generally call that feeling sad.
I stood on the stage for a long time without speaking. After half a minute, there was a burst of laughter, followed by clapping and whistles.
"Sorry, I'm not performing," I tried to explain.
"I didn't prepare a show, and I don’t want to perform."
The audience sounded happy laughter again, which seemed to urge me to feel the sad mood further.
It was a nightmare; a nightmare wrapped in people.
Their eyes filled with laughter and enthusiasm, and then they began to praise my acting skills, but I could not find anyone who understood what I was talking about.
After coming down, I found that Richard had gone at some point.
I expressed my sadness to Lioe.
He showed a peculiar look of concern.
It gave me a glimmer of hope.
Then, filling our glasses, he said apologetically, "I'm sorry, Carmon. It's a busy day. I didn't treat you well.”
I didn't know if alcohol had the ability to alleviate human sadness.
At the very least, though, it doesn't do much for a MOS star person.
At the moment, I just wanted someone who understood my mind, even if he was a robot, probably better than a highly priced glass of wine.
Soon, similar feelings were spreading, all too fast and complicated for a MOS star.
In the four hundred years of my life, I had never experienced such complex emotions.
I just felt that standing in the crowd, I didn’t feel happy any more. And as time went on, I felt more and more vividly the sadness brought by the crowd. I longed to express my true feelings to people, but when the time came for some kind of rebuke, all I got was, "Kamon, you're a master comedian!"
After being haunted by this feeling for so long, I decided to go to my sister.
Although after become adults we didn't get along closely as much as we did as children, she did make me feel better than my colleagues and my parents.
My sister showed a little surprise at my arrival, but it wasn't long before she told me about her life.
"Ailfle, you know?"
"Ever since you changed careers, our parents have been afraid I would be the same as you. They want me to be tied up in front of them."
"And how are you now? " I asked.
"I went to an important interview, and they told me that my violin was skillful but soulless."
Alisa looked at me, a few wry smiles.
"Oh, I forgot. You're a fool. You don't understand."
"Alisa, actually, I've been feeling really sad lately. I'm in a bad mood." I poured out my heart to my sister.
"Brother," she said suddenly, as if I was suddenly touched by something, "are you insulting me? If you're not happy, what about me?"
I was speechless and watched large tears well up in her eyes, and they were wiped off by the back of her hand quickly, and then flew off into some dusty, empty corner.
That night, I sat in the concert hall watching my sister perform.
She sat in the front row of the violinists, wearing a red dress.
It reminded me of our childhood.
Unfortunately, there was no longer the little running dinosaur in her hands, nor a smile in her eyes.
I watched my young sister's bow swing up and down on the stage, and I thought of what she had said during the day, and for the first time, I felt as if I could feel the mood of my sister.
She was not happy even if in the midst of a huge symphony orchestra.
Then Richard came, with his new tragic film.
On the big screen, I saw the protagonist in a red dress standing in the crowd. Although the protagonist was in the crowd, I could feel her loneliness.
I said to Richard, "I used to feel sad sometimes when I was in a crowd."
In the dark, Richard turned and smiled at me.
"Little fool, you have grown up."
I hurried back to the MOS star and found Professor Anser.
"Professor, I think I already have a topic for my Earth internship report."
I solemnly told Professor Anser.
"Oh, that's wonderful. What did you find?"
The professor was also very excited at the news.
"Sometimes you don't feel happy in a crowd."
"What? What did you say?"
"It's sad to be in a busy crowd sometimes."
Professor Anser was so stunned that he didn't even speak for a long time.
I felt the glare from his pupils almost destroy me.
“Araopak, do you know what you're talking about?"
"I know, professor."
"No, you don't. It's a pleasure to be in the company of people. It's a belief we MOS have held for tens of millions of years; you know, that we won't be alone unless we have to."
Apparently, Professor Anser was furious. As the greatest consensus on the planet, no MOS star should question this indestructible truth.
"I know, professor," I answered obediently.
Professor Anser also pondered for a long time.
"Araopak," he said, "it may be that some of the barriers of the Earth Internship program have given you this illusion."
"No, no, listen to me. As far as I know, you are a household name star on earth, with your own company and assistants, and a lot of people who like you. How can you be unhappy, with so many people around you? '
"But, professor, that sentiment is very different from happiness. Maybe...Maybe that's a different kind of happiness. Just like tears don't necessarily mean sadness; you know, human beings have an emotion called...Oh yes, tears of joy..."
"Don't say any more. You are in complete confusion now."
Professor Anser had obviously lost patience with my explanations, and his words had once again made me lose my desire to talk.
Back on Earth, I also found that no matter on MOS star or on earth, there was no place for me to be understood. I tried to return to my parents' home on Earth, but I soon found that every aspect of my current life was a stain on their great ideals. And my sorrow happened to be the next perfect footnote of my wrong choice. On this subject, they did not care how sad I was, but just wanted to prove that their decision was wiser. I also spoke to my sister occasionally, but since I had discovered her sadness, confronting her had become a part of my grief.
My life had darkened imperceptibly, and I had lost the ability to enjoy any joy.
At the same time, the humorous jokes I struggled with seemed to drift further and further away from the audience's expectations, and my beloved thing turned into my burden.
No way, I felt more and more powerless as a MOS star person to deal with complex emotions. There was no place to pour out my thoughts. The earth people no longer cared about my thoughts. And for MOS star people, such complex emotions were akin to a kindergartener's ignorance of calculus. Maybe it was true, as Richard said, that I had grown up.
During this time, I had tasted the subtle changes in human emotions in greater detail, and sometimes I even felt the bitter taste of the wind in the window. Until the day of my 39th birthday, when the MOS star recalled me urgently. Dr. Anser said that several transmission channels had malfunctioning and were going to crash soon. Therefore, interns in these channels must be recalled urgently, and one of was mine.
"Araopak, your channel will be closed in a year."
'What shall I do?’
"It is customary for us to arrange for your earthly identity to die before the channel is closed."
"Have you forgotten the instructions in the handbook for the internship? When you die, the spirit will return to MOS, and the internship is over."
"Then my internship report..."
"The academic committee thinks you still have to submit it because you've been an intern for over 40 years. Content can be reduced and can be completed within 50 years of return. But..."
said Professor Anser with great solemnity," Don't write on that ridiculous subject again."
All of a sudden, with the deployment of the system, I began to suffer from serious illness on Earth. My earth parents and sister took me home, and my life seemed to have gone back 20 years, but it was a little different. During that time, I learned a new emotion in their message-laden faces –seemingly relaxed, but actually sad.
The audience also knew that I was going to die, and it was as if they were thinking again of me after a few years away from the stage, and of the joy I had brought them. It was a pity for my imminent passing and with the exclusion of some of the less pleasant memories. They seemed to have forgotten that in my last few years on the stage, they used to say I was at my wit's end and not funny anymore.
However, these feelings had made me stick to the topic of my initial internship report, and I intended to expand the topic.
In the last month of my life on Earth, Richard came back.
He came to my bed with a dusty return from afar and the same smile.
"Why are you different from them?" I asked Richard.
Richard tilted her head at me and smiled even more brightly.
"They all cry and then pretend to laugh. You really laugh," I said.
Richard looked out the window at the fallen leaves.
"Idiot, do you remember why I keep making tragic movies?"
"I remember; you said you'd learn to face something. But I don't know what you're going to face."
"A person's life needs to face many things; only when we learn to face them, can we feel happy."
I mused on Richard's words, and I thought the implications would need a clumsy MOS star person to spend time a lot thinking on what it meant.