Victim or Bully
Querida 仇琳然 200110505
A girl with long hair tied back in a ponytail was lost in her books, ignoring all things around her. Another girl, with a chic pixie cut, was tossing paper balls at that girl with the ponytail with a few other girls.
“Stop!” The leader who tossed another piece of paper jumped out the desk that she was sitting in said, “Get in here and do the cleaning.”
I packed up my stuff and got ready to go back home as if nothing had happened.
That distance was very annoying. On my bicycle, the misery waned some, but this long return journey gave me some time to concentrate on some that, which had never before entered my mind.
People don’t harshly criticize children because what they think we are innocent, naive or something else. But we children know more than anyone else how to survive in our own world. In this aspect, I am an expert. That leader, Amanda—with some bruises, must have had millions of fights. I must be fatter than her so as to be protected. I’ve heard that Cathy (one who got bullied) didn't want to help Amanda cheat on the coming exam. Later, Amanda was caught cheating, and she believed it was Cathy who had informed on her. It really confuses me the top student could be so stubborn. If she gave in a little bit, it wouldn’t have come to this.
My phone rang, I bet it had to be Mom, so I parked my bicycle to one side of road.
“I knew it,” I said, “Wanna dumplings!”
“Your father had bet this. Okay, be careful on the road... Oh, I should hang up; the water is boiling as eager as you.” Mother hung up the phone.
I didn't want to piss Amanda off, or rather, didn't want it to boomerang back on me. Teachers always see this as a little game among fifth grade kids. Whatever，it was the Cathy’s business, not mine. Forget it, forget it. Mind my own business.
My dog romped with glee at my homecoming.
“How's it going?” Father asked.
“Nothing special.” I tried to sound unconcerned.
The moment mother put the steaming dumplings on the table, the power cut off.
“Oh dear.” There was a slight complaint.in his tone
“Never mind,” Mother soothed as she lighting candles—the “regular” at the table.
after this kind of artificially romantic supper, father bid goodnight to mother and I.
I tossed and turned for over an hour, unable to sleep. Thus, I turned on my phone and aimlessly swiped to WeChat Moments. Then a post of Amanda’s Moment caught my attention The party is gonna be awesome! Carefully I LIKEd her... Oh, my God! What was I doing? I had liked her twice, or maybe more...
Then a message popped up—
‘YES’ or ‘NO’
What the hell is this?
I'll try. Must be something interesting.
‘YES.’ The time seemed to fall sleep deeply, anything happened? No.
Okay, I had better just crawl back into bed and go to sleep.
I preferred day rather than night, because I didn't like those candles at all. The electric bill could only be paid on the day that they got his paycheck. Thus, when I saw that candle, the feeling of poverty haunted me. Father and Mother hurried to catch the bus and left me alone to have breakfast. Lying on bed, I didn't want to get up because I felt a little indescribably exhausted.
Everyone has his own quirks; I always checked my own Moments every so often. Maybe for the purpose of scrutinizing what stupid moment I had shared. Wait, I had posted the same Moment of Amanda! I didn't do that! DELETE! DELETE! But it was not working. Must have been tonight’s strange thing. I checked it over and over again. It seemed that only I could see it, which really was a huge relief.
“Ding…Ding…Ding…Ding…”Suddenly, the alarm which reminded me of going to school rang when I was about to check an email. I turned off my phone and got up. I froze at the scene in front of me. Was it my home? I pinched myself; the pain made me come to the great realization that the luxurious room was not a dream. With my heart palpitating in the madness of excitement, I jumped out of my bed to see what my new home looked like. To my great surprise, it was exactly like Amanda’s home shown in her WeChat Moment. Although it was a little weird, it really refreshed me—Goodbye, Mr. Candle.
On my way to school, the excitement overwhelmed all of the shock. When this feeling subsided, I felt a kind of exhaustion that could be called pain. Without time to figure it out, I was going to be late.
A figure came towards me from the other end of the hallway lowered its head under my gaze. I recognized that it was Cathy. I stretched out my hand to say good morning to her. But when she was about to pass me, I pulled her hair with that very hand. She ran away and gave me no time to make an apology. I gaped at the hand hanging from my wrist. What was wrong with me?
In class, I was in no mood to listen to the teachers. My heart palpitated in the sickness of agitation: the bruises which appeared on my body inexplicably; the action I did towards Cathy, which I was so unaware of doing that; the awed expressions of my classmates, and the news that Amanda had to transferred to a new school...
I didn't know how I got back to home, and deep inside, the awareness was stirring that something was about to happen. I took a deep breath and opened the door of which could be called my new home. Nothing was unusual except the ornate interior and my father's absence. I was hesitating how to talk about this to my mom, when suddenly the hurried knock at the door interrupted me. As I was coming to open the door, I had noticed my mother's face turned white and my throat thickened, my heart was beating faster and faster. The door opened. The drunk man dashed into the door and slapped me before I said the word “Dad”. I felt he was beating my mother with all his force as if she were his enemy. When I stepped forward trying to pull him away, he glanced at me with a ferocious look, and then I felt my legs weak as water.
“In!” He ordered furiously.
Driven by some instinct, I returned to my room. The moment that I closed the door, I realized that this was not my life, completely, not my life. It occurred to me; that strange WeChat function. I hurried to turn on my phone and found the copied Moment of Amanda. Must be this thing. Hearing the occasional screams and the constant curses, I was almost on the edge of madness. I rushed out, hysterically and struck my dad’s head…
After that, the domestic violence still happened occasionally, but such horrible occasion had seldom or never occurred. Indeed, I had urged my mother to inform against him to end that misery. She refused me for the reason of saving face and giving me a whole family. What nonsense! Compared with being bullied, was saving face more important? She even threatened, or rather, begged me not to reveal this to anyone.
In her eyes, nothing seemed to have changed in me. But I knew the feeling I had towards her had really changed, ineluctably. Dramatically, another person had been the target of the resent for my mom—pushing Cathy around had been my pleasure and a way of venting my bad feelings. One day, I cut off her long air. She deserved it!
Their choice to remain silent made me become more scorned for her timidity. If you tend to put up with being bullied, I’d like to help you very much.
With time, I hardly intervened with my parents’ personal issues. One who didn’t protest himself deserved being treated badly.
During the following years, there had been other ‘CTRL+ C’ incidents, which I thought would just change things a little, but the facts usually exceeded my expectation. Just like gambling, a big bonus comes with great risks. After one of my gambles took my mother’s life, I lost my nerve. I deleted WeChat. As for my father, since mother had died, that man seldom or never appeared at home. I took over his company as soon as I graduated. The moment business began flourishing, I screwed things up because I had made a huge mistake. The company went bankrupt. The future was really dismal, and I didn't know how to cope with everything. Then that crazy function flashed through my mind, but now I didn't have sufficient courage to face the flowing, unpredictable possibilities.
One day, I received a call from my old classmate inviting me to our school reunion. Before getting there, I got really dressed up so as to disguise my unfortunate life. It seemed that they had already began this party without my presence. I had learned that Cathy had succeeded in her business. As an adult, I already had learned to hide my anger in public; however, this feeling soured. Thus, eventually the anger turned into a more terrible feeling—jealousy. Now Cathy was surrounded by people; meanwhile, I had become the unpopular one.
“What's up?’ said Cathy, harmlessly. Then I became the center of attention.
“She succeeded her father's company and needs not to work as a slave as we do,” said one girl whom I even couldn't remember the name of. But what I knew was that some of those people who were now gathering around Cathy had once gathered to bully her.
I really drank a lot; the flashing face acted as mask to hide my embarrassment.
A long time after returning home, unable to dispel the clouds of jealousy, I continued a long time traversing my bedroom. At length, jealousy and vanity took me over completely.
You are already in this poor situation. Scared? Of what? Just take the gamble!
My resolve weakened. With their instigation that almost amounted to madness, I downloaded WeChat again and then LIKE and CTRL+ C every piece of Cathy’s WeChat Moment of her success. After that I threw myself on the bed wondering what was waiting for me tomorrow. I felt flush of memories were invading my weird dreams, which didn't seem like dreams at all: I was in front of Dad’s tomb, heartbroken and frustrated; I thought I saw my mother, whose face was blurred, talking with me about something; I felt something had vanished since that man's death; classmates didn't like me because I was the poor guy who didn't have a father… Then it had been blurred...A girl cut off my long hair...
I started by the hammering knocking at the door. I staggered drunkenly to open the door.
“Father, what are you…what are you doing here?’’ I said unconsciously. I felt as if I had been hit as I was endeavoring to come back.
The sun rose over the cooling earth. The horrible and blurred dreamed came into my mind. My, my, my, I must had been drunk as a lord. My head was aching, and my eyes. Actually, it didn't occur to me that I had used that function again until I was astonished by what I saw. I rushed out of the room to figure out what had changed. Then the figure in the mirror looked like exactly what I was like in my high school, except the haggard and disheveled look. I opened my WeChat Moments with shaking hands. There were no copied Moments of Cathy. I tried to reverse again, but it was in vain. Because there wasn’t such a thing! So, the function is useless? Or it is just my dream? Suddenly, I got an email saying:
Verify Your Account
Sorry for the inconvenience we had the caused.
Our project is going to next stage, so it takes time to verify your identity.
Click here if you want to view the authorization agreement signed before
CAUTION! No function of CTRL+Z. Our product is in the research and development stage. Before entering the second stage, it only had the function of CTRL+C, which meant that all the changes are irreversible.
Without this email, I would have thought that this was a long dream or I that was completely insane. I was gazing the photo of my father. I lost my train of thought for a moment, then all the things seemed embedded in my memory deeply. My home was back to the simplicity as before. And my old friends (the candles) had already dressed up to greet me.
But it was really not that terrible, as I could see a second chance at life. How can I describe my emotions? With a new chance, I felt somewhat grateful but also somewhat regretful.
Knowing that I couldn’t go back, and everything was irreversible, I felt I was ready to embrace this new life, so let it start from my school life.
In bathroom, I was detained by some girls with tattoos.
“Coward, Oh, sorry to call you this, You ‘A’ student,’’ put in one girl with hypocritical kindness, “pass your answer over during the exam.”
“No,” I said, firmly.
“Come on, what's got into you?” said one of them, furiously. Some people were scared to flee away.
“It is illegal!” Some people were crowding in.
“You got to be kidding me,” they added, then rolled up their sleeves, “Keep your tongue! Are you telling me how to bully you? All right, you want some of this...”
They punched me on the chin and wound up hitting me over head. But I wasn't going to let them bully me. I am not a coward! I did fight them, I punched them but it was like hitting a wall.... Although I was not ahead in the physical competition, in a way, I could say that they were scared away by my unusual spirit of courage.
There were still people watching as if it was not their business at all. People, by nature, are struggling for survival and avoiding unnecessary problems.
I stared at the watching people wondering whether they are the victim or bully.